Arundel Mills Mall: Your Ultimate Guide Before Flying from BWI!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we are diving DEEP into this hotel review. Forget those sterile, cookie-cutter write-ups. I'm going to give you the real, messy, and hopefully, hilarious deal. This is LESS a review and MORE a therapy session about a hotel, complete with all my neurotic quirks. Here we go…
(SEO Time!)
Title: Hotel Review: A Whirlwind of Accessibility, Amenities, and (Hopefully!) a Good Time (Plus All the Fine Print You Could Possibly Need)
Keywords: Hotel Review, Accessibility, Wheelchair Accessible, Free Wi-Fi, Spa, Swimming Pool, Restaurants, Fitness Center, COVID-19 Safety, Family-Friendly, [Hotel Name - Insert Here], Luxury Hotel, [City, State/Region] Hotels
Okay, let's start with the foundation: Accessibility. This is HUGE for me, because, truth be told, I'm a klutz. Always have been. So, the idea of stairs the size of Everest makes my anxiety levels spike.
Accessibility: Okay, so the checklist says "Facilities for disabled guests." That better freakin' mean something! I'm talking ramps, elevators that don't sound like they're about to eat you, and bathrooms I can actually maneuver in without performing some kind of contortionist act. Did I see all of those things? I'll have to look closer. I'm already feeling jittery from the anticipation!
Wheelchair Accessible: This is another MUST for me. And not just a ramp tacked on as an afterthought. I want wide hallways, automatic doors, and a sense that the hotel wants to accommodate everyone.
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: This is a win! Nothing worse than having to roll across a crowded street.
(Okay, Phew. We made it through the tough stuff. Let's get to the good stuff! - and the internet! Because duh!)
Internet, Glorious Internet!
Internet Access: This is non-negotiable. My phone is basically a useless brick without the internet.
Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: YES! Thank you, hotel gods! Seriously, this should be the law. Nothing like paying a fortune and then getting charged for Wi-Fi. Rant over. Briefly.
Internet [LAN]: (I'm dating myself here, but remember when LAN meant something other than "Local Area Network"?) Okay, fine. Good for the tech nerds I guess, but I'm wireless all the way.
Internet Services: I like the idea of internet services, it gives many options.
Wi-Fi in public areas: So, I guess I can Instagram my poolside margarita (more on that disaster later) without using all my data. Score!
(Whew! Feeling connected. Time for some fun! Or at least, the illusion of fun…)
Things to Do, Ways to Relax (or Try To!)
Fitness Center: Okay, I intend to use this. I say I'm going to use this. But let's be real. I'm more likely to eat a third dessert. Still, gotta give it a shot. Hoping the equipment isn't from the 80s.
Gym/fitness: I'm not sure the difference between the two, the gym, and fitness is confusing to me.
Pool with view: Okay, now we're talking! Bonus points for a pool where I can actually see something pretty. And a bar. Maybe a very strong cocktail to help me work up the courage to put on a swimsuit.
Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom: I love spas. Give me all the things – massages, body wraps, the works! I am a sucker for anything that involves pampering. I'll gladly pay extra for it.
Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath: That sounds divine. Especially if I can fall asleep during them.
Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: The same as "Pool with a view", I guess.
(Did I remember my towel? Ugh. This is where things get fuzzy…)
Cleanliness and Safety (Pray for Me!)
Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hygiene certification, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Sterilizing equipment: Deep breath Okay, this is the COVID-19 era, and it's a minefield. I need to feel safe, which means seeing evidence of serious cleaning efforts. The smell of bleach is surprisingly comforting these days. (Don't judge.)
Hand sanitizer: Everywhere, please! I'm terrified of touching things.
Cashless payment service: This is the future, people! I'm all in.
Individually-wrapped food options, Safe dining setup: Gotta love the extra layer of protection.
Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Please give me my space. I'm a misanthrope.
Staff trained in safety protocol: I hope so. Please don't cough on me.
(This is becoming a monster of a review. Good! And then, the food! The glorious, possibly-disastrous FOOD.)
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking
A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Breakfast [buffet], Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant: Alright, let's get this bread…or, you know, the actual bread. I'm all about options. Buffet is ALWAYS the way to go. If they have a decent dessert selection? Sold. The 24-hour room service is my jam, because I, like a hobbit, enjoy second breakfast. Also, a poolside bar is essential.
Bottle of water, Coffee shop: Essentials. Gotta stay hydrated and caffeinated, especially after a long day of doing…whatever it is I'm doing.
Breakfast in room, Breakfast service, Breakfast takeaway service: What's my favorite is not having to stumble out of my room before I have a cup of coffee.
Happy hour: This is a must.
(Okay, I need a drink. And maybe a nap.)
Services and Conveniences
Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars: Whew! That's a lot of "services"! My favorite thing is a doorman. I'm lazy and enjoy being pampered.
Contactless check-in/out: Another win for the pandemic era.
Xerox/fax in business center: Someone still uses these? Huh.
(For the kids? Wait a minute… Are there kids here?)
For the Kids
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Okay, I love kids, but honestly? I prefer not to be around them on vacation. If this is a family hotel, I need some serious noise-canceling abilities.
(Okay, now for the nitty-gritty: Hotel Logistics. Boring, but important.)
Access
- CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour]: I like the 24-hour front desk. And security is nice. I just need a secure feeling.
(Hotel Chain? Not too much, but this is good.)
Hotel Chain
- Hotel chain: Is it a chain? Good. Not good? Who cares?
(Room Time! My Sanctuary (Maybe).)
Available in all rooms:
Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box: The basics, and a few luxuries.
Interconnecting room(s) available: Maybe for those who don't like being alone.
**Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly-organized travel itinerary! This is a pre-flight panic, post-flight delirium, and everything-in-between experience, specifically tailored for Element Arundel Mills/BWI Airport, Hanover, MD. Prepare for a bumpy ride, both literally and figuratively.
Element Arundel Mills/BWI Airport Rhapsody (aka, My Pre-Flight Mental Breakdown)
Day 0 (Well, technically… evening before?): The Pre-Flight Freakout
- 6:00 PM: Okay, packing. Deep breaths. Think I've got everything? Definitely forgot something. Probably my passport. Frantically checks passport. PHEW. Still have it. Now, the dreaded "What if my luggage gets lost and I'm stranded with NOTHING" scenario. It's a classic! This time, I'll pack a tiny carry-on with a toothbrush, a spare pair of undies, and a slightly-worn copy of “Pride and Prejudice” (because, you know, culture).
- 7:30 PM: Pizza! Fueling up for what feels like a marathon of anxiety. Ordered extra. Gonna need it to stay sane. Maybe two pizzas… one to eat during the drive to the hotel and one to have at the hotel.
- 8:30 PM: Phone check. 100 times. Flight confirmations? Check. Weather? Check. Traffic conditions? Panics. Looks like there might be an accident on 95. This is it. This is how it all ends. Stranded in Maryland forever. Okay, calm down.
- 9:30 PM: Bedtime. "Sleep now, so you don't end up a total zombie in the airport." My inner monologue, which is usually my worst critic.
- 10:00 - 11:30 PM: Failed attempts to go to sleep, the pre-flight nightmares began.
Day 1: The Airport Gauntlet (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the TSA)
5:00 AM (ish): Awake. Wide awake. Heart hammering. Body screaming, "NOOOO!" But the flight is in a few hours, so I need to keep going.
5:30 AM: The hotel in Hanover is supposed to have a shuttle. Hoping the reviews are correct. A bad experience here is a terrible start.
6:00 AM: Shuttle arrives! Praise be! The driver seems like he's seen some things in his life. I am happy to be alive at this point.
6:30 AM: Check-in. Standard procedure. The smiling face doesn't quite hide the underlying, "Get this over with" attitude. I get it. We all have a job to do.
7:00 AM: TSA. THE TSA. Showtime. Take out laptop. Take out liquids. Shoes off. Jacket off. Try to remember to not say anything that will get me on a watch list. Okay, I'm through! Victory! Claps I'll consider this a win until, you know, the actual flying part.
7:30 AM: Breakfast at one of those generic airport cafes. The coffee is lukewarm, the muffin tastes like a brick, but I'm too wired to care. People-watching is the real entertainment at this point. A family with three screaming kids. A businessman stressed out of his mind. A couple gazing lovingly at each other… ugh, get a room.
8:00 AM: Wander. Browse the overpriced shops. Consider buying a ridiculously expensive neck pillow… but then I remember I have a perfectly good hoodie that can double as one. Resourceful!
8:30 AM: Find my gate. Hallelujah! Now, the waiting game. This is when the real anxiety kicks in. My mind shifts to, "Will the plane fall out of the sky?" "What if I make an idiot of myself?" "What if I miss the flight?" Constant battling.
9:00 AM: Delayed. Of course. Sigh. Grab another coffee. More people-watching. Notice a guy wearing a t-shirt that says, "I Hate Mondays." Preach, brother. Preach.
9:30 AM: Boarding. Finally! Deep breaths. Find my seat. Pray.
10:00 AM: Actual flying time!
10:30 AM: After 30 minutes of pure fear, I still can't believe it! We're in the air!
Day 1-2: On the Other Side
- 12:00 PM: Arrived, it's a little overwhelming but it's pretty cool.
- 1:00 PM: Found the hotel, I'm doing all I can to not pass out from the emotions.
- 2:00 PM: Had some food.
- 3:00 PM: Finally calmed down and happy to be here!
- 4:00 PM onwards: The real fun, the adventure, and the messiness begin.
Food & Drink Ramblings:
- Pre-Flight Fuel: Must. Have. Pizza. It’s the ultimate comfort food for a nervous traveler. Plus coffee to keep you going.
- Airport Food: Expect overpriced, mediocre fare. But hey, it's fuel. And if you're lucky, maybe a decent bagel.
- Hotel Breakfast: Might be free. Might involve stale pastries. Manage expectations accordingly.
Quirks & Observations:
- People-Watching: An airport is a glorious microcosm of humanity. Observe with glee (or judgement, your choice).
- The TSA Dance: The subtle ballet of taking off shoes, emptying pockets, and trying not to look guilty. We're all in it together.
- Delayed Flights: Embrace the chaos. Find a comfy chair, a good book (or a phone game), and try to let go. Easier said than done, I know.
- The Hotel Room: The first gasp of "My own space!" (Even if it IS a slightly depressing hotel room.)
- Overall: This is my honest experience. A little messy, a little chaotic, and a whole lot human.
Final Thoughts (Before the Real Adventure Begins):
This itinerary is more of a guideline. Real life happens. Delays, mishaps, and unexpected hilarity are guaranteed. My advice? Embrace it. Laugh at the absurdity. And, most importantly, remember to breathe. You've got this. Now go have an adventure! And please, someone, tell me where the good coffee is! Because this airport stuff is seriously lacking in the caffeine department.
Dulles Airport's BEST Kept Secret: Aloft Ashburn!
So, like, what *IS* this thing anyway? Besides a giant pain in the neck?
Okay, fine, but *why*? Like, *why* should I even care?
What's the hardest part? Be honest.
Tell me about a specific experience that totally wrecked you, in a good or bad way.
What's the best part? Besides the obvious "getting smart" thing.
What about the times you felt like quitting?
Any tips for someone just starting out? Seriously, lay it on me.
Is it,Wander Stay Spot
